South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
