they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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