HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
