Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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