help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
