that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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