Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
