The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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