Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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