hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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