my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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