i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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