Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
false alarm. still invincible.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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