What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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