Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
