dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Randomize
