His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
