he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
