I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
