I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Pants 0. Shit 1.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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