Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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