He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
