So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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