She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
