I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
