At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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