I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
