I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
