Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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