whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
