He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
