I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
