this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
