Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
