....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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