please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
