so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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