I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
