We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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