do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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