If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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