After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
