we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
