This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
