C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
All I want is dick and wine.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
