Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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