when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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