i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
