But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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