so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
