Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
