he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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