i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
