i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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