marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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