Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
