Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
