We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
