I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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