she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
