Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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